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The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends (usually, but not always, same-sex), often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that common in modern Western society, for example holding hands, cuddling and kissing, sleeping together, as well as open expressions of love for one another.
Romantic friendship was considered common and unremarkable in the West up until the second half of the 19th century, but after that time its open expression generally became much rarer as physical intimacy between non-sexual partners came to be regarded with anxiety, and the very phrase "romantic friendship" was almost forgotten. Only in very recent times has the concept and expression of romantic friendship begun to re-establish itself in the English-speaking world.
Contrasts with latent homosexuality
According to the website celebratefriendship.com, a romantic friendship is not the same as latent homosexuality. The website says that romantic friendships have existed in civilizations both tolerant and intolerant of homosexuality, and therefore it seems unlikely that a romantic friendship is the same as homosexuality:
- "Romantic friendship is not the same thing as latent homosexuality. Romantic friendship has existed in both cultures that violently oppose homosexuality, as well as in cultures that openly accept it, and for that reason it seems unlikely that it is derived from repression of homosexual urges. Some pretty homophobic people, as well as some pretty gay people, have supported romantic friendship. For example, a Renaissance-era man might well be hateful of 'sodomites' but perfectly happy to snuggle with his best friend at night, as long as they didn’t have sex." http://www.celebratefriendship.org/rfriend.htm
It should be noted that the concept of "romantic friendship" existed prior to 1900, which was an era during which the concept of sexuality as an identity did not exist.
Literary, historical, and popular culture examples
In literature and popular culture there has often been depiction of same-gender relationships whose nature seems ambiguous. These relationships exhibit a degree of closeness beyond what is common for heterosexual friends, and yet these relationships are not explicitly depicted as homosexual relationships.
Xena and Gabrielle
- Main article: Warrior Princess
There has been some speculation about the nature of the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. Their relationship was kept ambiguous throughout the show. Xena and Gabrielle are never depicted as declaring themselves as a lesbian couple, but in the last episode they refer to one another as being "soul mates". The show cultivated a devoted lesbian following in part because of the ambiguous relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, a relationship which most of the lesbian viewers interpreted as a lesbian relationship. Sherrie Johnson, author of the essay "Xena and Gabrielle: A Revisitation of the Classic Romantic Relationships", has suggested that Xena and Gabrielle do not have a lesbian relationship but a romantic friendship.
Shakespeare and Fair Lord
- Main article: Sexuality of William Shakespeare
The content of Shakespeare's works has raised the question of whether he may have been bisexual. It should be noted that the question of whether an Elizabethan was "gay" in a modern sense is anachronistic, as the concepts of homosexuality and bisexuality as identities did not emerge until the 19th century; while sodomy was a crime in the period, there was no word for an exclusively homosexual identity (see History of homosexuality). Elizabethans also frequently wrote about friendship in more intense language than is common today.
Although twenty-six of the Shakespeare's sonnets are love poems addressed to a married woman (the "Dark Lady"), one hundred and twenty-six are addressed to a young man (known as the "Fair Lord"). The amorous tone of the latter group, which focus on the young man's beauty, has been interpreted as evidence for Shakespeare's bisexuality, although others interpret them as referring to intense friendship, not sexual love.
The sonnets can be explained as referring to intense friendship, not sexual love. In the preface to his 1961 Pelican edition, Douglas Bush writes,
- "Since modern readers are unused to such ardor in masculine friendship and are likely to leap at the notion of homosexuality… we may remember that such an ideal, often exalted above the love of women, could exist in real life, from Montaigne to Sir Thomas Browne, and was conspicuous in Renaissance literature". Crompton, Louis, Homosexuality and Civilization, pp. 379
Bush cites Montaigne, who distinguished male friendships from "that other, licentious Greek love" Rollins 1:55 , as evidence of a platonic interpretation.
Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard
- Main articles: Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard
The Simpsons characters Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard in some ways maintain a relationship arguably in the tradition of a romantic friendship. In one episode, Lenny dreamily recalls carving "Mount Carlmore", a huge bust of Carl in the side of a hill, over "one wonderful summer". In another episode, various characters are depicted looking at the stars to "see into their souls". When Lenny looks up to the stars, he sees an image of Carl. In a Halloween episode where Lenny dies and sees Heaven, the angels all take the form of Carl. They chorus, 'Lenny! Hurry up! We'll be late for work at the plant!" In the Hex and the City Halloween episode, a helicopter crashes through the roof of Moe's Tavern and pins both Carl and Lenny to the ground, slowly crushing them to death. Lenny begs Carl to let him die first, saying, "I couldn't bear to watch you die."
Other characters on The Simpsons are often depicted as being without the ability to categorize the relationship maintained by Carl and Lenny. Devoid of any other category in which to place the bond between Carl and Lenny, other characters on The Simpsons are depicted as assuming that Lenny and Carl are latent homosexuals. A notable example of this is occurs in the show's 16th season in the episode "There's Something About Marrying". In this episode, Homer Simpson is depicted as running a church that exists solely to marry homosexual couples. When Homer runs out of homosexual couples to marry, he speculates that Lenny and Carl might be interested. Marge Simpson scolds Homer by saying, "Don't you rush them! We need to let them work that out in their own time."
Batman and Robin
Though Batman, both as a superhero and in his identity as Bruce Wayne, has been portrayed in comics and other media as a heterosexual - having enjoyed a number of romantic and/or sexual relationships with women - questions have arisen naturally regarding the nature of his relationship with Robin; the bond between them extending far beyond what many consider typical of a heterosexual, platonic friendship. Various media have parodied the romantic overtones of Batman and Robin's friendship, including Saturday Night Live, The Onion, and Rotten.com.
The Doctor and Rose
An example of an opposite sex romantic friendship is the relationship between The Doctor and various companions. Throught the new series we see sexual tension between the Tenth doctor and Rose.Oprah Winfrey and Gail King
Talk show host Oprah Winfrey and Gail King have a friendship that is so close that some have speculated that they may in fact be a closeted homosexual couple. The two have been friends for 30 years and are said to converse on the telephone four times a day. In the August, 2006, edition of O, The Oprah Magazine, Winfrey herself finally addressed the rumors that she and Gail, who is an editor of the magazine, are a homosexual homosexual. Oprah wrote, "I understand why people think we're gay. There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it — how can you be this close without it being sexual?" Though Oprah never used the term "romantic friendship" to describe her relationship with Gail King, she did use terminology that by many standards would be viewed as romantic: "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own."
Jay and Silent Bob
Fictional characters Jay and Silent Bob have maintain a relationship whose basis has been the subject of speculation because it goes beyond what is commonly thought of as the normal context of a heterosexual male friendship. The two have never used the term "romantic friendship" to describe their relationship, but they have described one another as being "hetero life-mates".
Notes
See also
External links
"Romantic friendship"