Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people.

Codependency advocates claim a codependent may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person. A classic example would be a wife making excuses for a husband's excessive drinking and perhaps running interference for him by calling in sick for him when he is hung over. Such behaviors, which may well lessen conflict and ease tension within the family in the short term, are counterproductive in the long term, since, in this case, the wife is actually supporting ("enabling") the husband's drinking behavior to continue. So, sometimes, the "co-dependent" (on alcohol, in this case) is sometimes referred to as an "enabler." It is also worth noting that since the wife in this case is dependent on the husband's alcoholic behavior, she may actually feel disturbed, disoriented or threatened if she sees clearly that he is emerging from his dependence. If she were to feel those feelings, her position as a confidant and loved-one might enable her to exert pressure to "change back," i.e., for the husband to cease making progress away from alcoholic dependency. Such pressure might be real and at least partially effective without it being fully recognized by either the husband or the wife.

Codependence can also be a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress caused, for example, by a family member's alcoholism or other addiction, sexual or other abuse within the family, a family members' chronic illness, or forces external to the family, such as poverty.

Codependent people have a greater tendency to become involved in relationships with people who are unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. Codependents try to control a relationship without directly identifying and addressing their own needs or desires on their own. This invariably means that they set themselves up for continued unfulfillment. Codependents always feel that they are acting in another person's best interest, making it difficult for them to see the controlling nature of their own behavior.

Symptoms of codependence are controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, intimacy problems, caretaking behavior, hypervigilance or physical illness related to stress. Codependence is often accompanied by depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of extreme frustration or sadness over his or her inability to make changes in the other person's (or persons') life.

Individuals who are suffering from codependence may seek assistance through various verbal therapies, sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression. In addition, there exist support groups for codependency; some of these are Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Al-Anon/Alateen, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), which are based on the 12-Step model of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Many books have been written on the subject of codependence. Melody Beattie was one of the first to describe such behaviors. She is the author of Codependent No More among many other volumes.

Not all mental health professionals agree about codependency or its standard methods of treatment. Stan Katz & Liu, in "The Codependency Conspiracy: How to Break the Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life," feel that codependence is over-diagnosed, and that many people who could be helped with shorter-term treatments instead become dependent on long-term self-help programs.

References

• 'A Brief History of Codependence and a Look at the Psychological Literature', in: P. Mellody e.a., Facing Codependence, New York etc.: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989, ISBN 0062505890, 207-217 (= Appendix).
• 'Cluster C Personality Disorders', in: Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV, Washington: American Psychiatric Association, 4th ed. 1994, ISBN 0890420629, 662-673.
• 'Codependence', in: Benjamin J. Sadock & Virginia A. Sadock (eds), Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry on CD, Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 7th ed. 2000, ISBN 0781721415, 20703-20707.
• Co-Dependents Anonymous, Phoenix: Co-Dependents Anonymous, 1st ed. 1999, ISBN 0964710501, 3-6.

See also

• Dependent personality disorder
• Karpman's Drama Triangle
• The Codependency Conspiracy : How to Break The Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life Stan Katz, Phd, (1991) Warner Books ISBN 0-446-39377-0

External links

• Joy2MeU - Robert Burney Homepage for co-dependants
• Characteristics of Co-Dependency
• Women Who Love Too Much
• Patterns of Co-Dependency (Christian site, but generally applicable)

Addiction | Interpersonal relationships | Psychological conditions

Co-Abhängigkeit | Codependencia | Codependentia | Codependence